it's been a long time since my last mumbling.. pheww, lotsa things happening to me! i don't know sometimes i get REALLY down just to face this so-called test of life..until this moment i have mixed feeling of down+thankful to God.. yeah definitely it is a test of life.. and alhamdulillah somehow i could taste this bittersweet of test from GOD the Almighty..i should be thankful..
at the moment, i have the worst time of my life i guess.. i have no interest at all to finish my study (just to finish my thesis). during 1st day of hari raya, i got infected by shingles.. the worst disease i got so far.. or we rather call it kayap.. the worst is i got infected started from inside of my left ear and it went down towards my left chin, and it went INTO my mouth.. the pain? only GOD knows how it felt like.. i could not eat, could not talk, could not sleep, hard for me to perform my prayer.. during that miserable time i could not brush my teeth, shampoo my hair, and i almost felt like an uncivilized homo sapiens on earth..
after 2-3 weeks battled with the pain, now i'm battling with the emotional pain.. the shingles leave me huge hideous scar that i could not take it.. the scar started right from my left ear until my left chin.. pretty ladies, please imagine if you were infected by a skin disease and it leaves you hideous scar.. yes scar on your pretty face.. well i am no a pretty girl with pretty face.. but it really makes me down somehow.. at 1st i don't even have the gut to go outside and face the world (pretty exaggerating).. but from the beginning, i keep thinking of the reason why God test me with this.. you should bare in mind that all the test that God give to you are His way of showing that He loves you.. He wants you to get closer to him and always be thankful for what you have..
then i think about those acid splashed victims.. what if i were in their shoes? i have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.. the scars will stick on me and definitely change my whole life.. but what i got now will fade away somehow even though will take a pretty loooong time.. i should be thankful.. always be thankful..
some might think that what i am facing right now is a small matter and nothing to be swizzled about.. but u know nothing until you are in my shoes.. then you will know that tripping stones makes you back to reality..